Album: Limp Bizkit – Gold Cobra
Release Date: 6/28/2011
Label: Flip/Interscope Records
Talk about picking on a fat kid eating a Twinkie. Gold Cobra, Limp Bizkit’s first studio album in nearly 6 years, is a tooth-rotting pile of sugary cotton candy topped with globs of honey and chocolate syrup. Does it sound appetizing? Nope, but it sure as hell sounds funny.
Yes, you better believe it’s awful. It’s so bad it collapses into itself like a neutron star and eventually inverts into something good. If this album were a film, it would be synonymous to “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” It’s a loud, overproduced mechanism that has not yet become self-aware of its atrocity. Or maybe it has. Regardless, people pay a lot of money for admission because they know what they’re going to get. Me, I’m of a small percentage who like to call themselves “masochists,” and that’s what compelled me to see this album through its end. Well, that and I have a soft spot for terrible things.
The original line-up from the Chocolate Starfish album is back together for this recording. This really doesn’t concern me. I don’t care for any of Bizkit’s members other than Fred Durst (and when I say “care”, I mean that with the loosest interpretation). Musicianship is not exactly lacking here, but it isn’t particularly adequate. You can put any garage band in a top-quality recording studio and have a multi-platinum quality result. I hear that guitarist Wes Borland is somewhat of a big deal in the mainstream metal community. Listening to Gold Cobra I wouldn’t have thunk it.
The musical abilities has never been the focus of this group, anyhow; it’s been front-man and vocalist (I can’t believe I’m calling him that) Frederick Durst. His spoiled-brat-in-the-throes-of-a-temper-tantrum-style vocals have blessed him with an innumerable fanbase, most of which are still living in a state of stunted emotional growth. People idolize(d) him. When I was in my late teens, my idol was Chuck Schuldiner: an incredible, soulful guitarist and one of the best damned musicians I’ve ever heard. He died of brain cancer when I was 21.
Age has not been kind to Fred Durst. His vocal barrages about breaking things and shooting people are about as timeless and profound as a leg-humping scene from the most recent Michael Bay film. I’ll take a random lyric from “Shotgun”, the radio track of this…thing I’m listening to: “What you’re gonna do when you’re sitting all alone In your empty ass home with the motherfucking sawed-off Pop off the rock ship, pop pop pop off the rock ship!” Imagine the listening demographics as you see fit.
Hey, I enjoyed Gold Cobra in the same fashion fetishists enjoy geek shows, or how movie nerds love to commentate b-movies. This is a dated chunk of the wrong kind of nostalgia. It’s like playing an Atari Jaguar after playing an XBOX 360. And Gold Cobra is (dare I say it) surprisingly fun in its tastelessness. And just to make it more fun, I’m going to give this album a slightly higher rating than the new Morbid Angel release. Limp Bizkit doesn’t have the capability to know any better; Morbid Angel does.
At the end of the 9th track, “Loser,” Fred Durst starts ad-libbing with a vocoder. It’s dreadful. “How do they make songs with this (in it)?” he rhetorically asks the listener. I suppose I should be the one asking him how he makes songs, period. Linkin Park has done this ultra-mainstream rap-metal thing for years and kept it fresh and respectable. Limp Bizkit, well…it ain’t Bach.
Best track: Shotgun
Star Rating: 3 out of 10 stars
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